DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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