Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
