i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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