Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
