I'm drive I can fine osifer
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
