Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize