Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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