you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't deserve a penis
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
