This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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