Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
