guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
