I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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