i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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