oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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