I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Congratulations! We have a period
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
