Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
