he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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