I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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