oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
