How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
