I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
