maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
