Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
