she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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