I think i peed on brittanys purse
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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