wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize