Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
