This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
