wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You made out with two different species that night
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
