Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
