hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize