i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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