I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
