Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
