dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
