this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
