i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You've changed since you got that strap on
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize