dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize