Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
