dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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