I skipped work to stalk him.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
