I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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