I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
