At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
