hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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