I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
