Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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