Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I forget how to act sober
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
