we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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