It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
