Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize