Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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