There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
