The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
