So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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