i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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