Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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