I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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