I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
