I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he puts the penis in happiness.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
