My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I deserve this hangover.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
