I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
