No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
