i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
