the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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