i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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