normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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