guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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