I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
