I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
