Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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