That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
