Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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