I think I won the penis lottery.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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