someone get that fucking seahorse.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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