Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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