Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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