My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
