i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
