My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
